Quirky Meal

For the holiday we made a feast
There were twenty-five dishes at least
I thought there’d be turkey
But my family’s quirky
Like in Whoville, we ate roast beast

Pilgrim Hats

The Pilgrims wore a funny hat
Made from the fur of a cat
Ok, that was a lie
I don’t know really why
I couldn’t resist saying that

No Money

Soon 'tis a day to give thanks
Everywhere’s closed, even banks
So you’re not getting money
Outta there honey
Unless you are taking some tanks

The Mega Post Dedicated to the Fans of Tim's Blog (And Last Post Until Thanksgiving, So Enjoy it People!)

Lyndsey

She worked hard to set up a meeting
But her patience is quickly depleting
Since they didn't show up
They'll need a sippie cup
After she gives the 1L's a beating

She'll knock some heads like Deniro
Outta thirty we had two more than zero
Bust those fools in the face
Because they're a disgrace
You know, Lyndsey, you're also MY hero

Deryn

Deryn's diction is clearly excitable
Yes such word choice is very reliable
Her words are much better
And they don't repeat letters
Like her fav'rite: uncopyrightable

To use such a word in this biz
Takes a real poetry wiz
Which word is a curse
To use in a verse?
"Uncopyrightable" is

Meeth

Never did I think I'd meet
A girl with such boots on her feet
But moreso the vex
Is the silver spandex
This combo just can't be beat

Her clothing might be eccentric
Some probably think it's electric
She goes for unique
Thinking it's chic
Perhaps she's just egocentric

Siobhan

There once was a girl named Siobhan
Who woke up at the crack of dawn
I tried to invite her
To a game of soccer
Too bad she was already gone

Now she is Panicky Pam
And describes when she's in a jam
They're all in her head
These cases of dread
But she doesn't give a damn

Amy

Another poet and friend
Who's more than able to blend
Cool stuff into Haiku
Anthropology too
She'll like it better here in the end

"What does that mean?" she will ask
"Is this some sort of a task?"
"Yes it is", I will say
"Write Haiku for me, eh?"
In the meantime, back to my flask

Bethany

She's not in love with Monroe
I wouldn't blame her though
The city's a bore
And ugly to its core
Sometimes it really does blow

But at home, she can find peace
With her dog, Angel, at least
Rambunctious and noisy
She'd run all the way to Boise
If she got free from her leash

Sarah

Sometimes she's known as "Sparrow"
Which makes this limerick quite narrow
Rhyming that word -
It's the name of a bird -
Is tough. How 'bout the word "pharoah"?

Oh wait, that doen't work
Which makes me seem like a jerk
I have plenty of time
I should NOT cheat to rhyme
At least it will give me a smirk

Kevin

You know, it would be heaven
If there were something like seven
Words I could use
That won't get me "boos"
For trying to rhyme with Kevin

I need some more time to think
But now I'm on the brink
Of bending the rules
To make rhymes for you fools
I really could use a drink!

Kyle

Oh my God am I done yet?
I'm sorta getting sick of this shit
But Kyle's my friend
I'll stick through this till the end
This next verse will be a big hit

In this verse about Kyle, I won't cheat
As bartender, he'll make you a treat
He'll mix random liquor
But then with a snicker
Realize the shit tastes like meat

Anusuya

Ms. George really knows how to dine
She likes chocolate biscuits with wine
Somehow she found Tim
I'm sure jealous of him
We agree that she's surely divine

Finishing with the best of the bunch
I do believe I have a hunch
That Anu will be happy
That this wasn't too sappy
Ok, I'm now off to make lunch!

Honalulu Blue

Lions really know how to roar
But what is this loud-ass noise for?
To scare away mothers
And sisters and brothers
HA! I can do that with a snore

To the Ever-Questioning Pasta Mama

Your claims are simply outrageous
And your venom has become contagious
It's also sardonic
And sort of ironic
The way you've become so courageous

Authorship comes in all forms
Twisting and shaped into norms
Tim just edits my work
So stop being a jerk
And prepare for my poetry storms!

Why is it now an obsenity?
Your concern for my identity
At least you've replied
And can no longer hide
Maybe now I will find some serenity

So again I am going to try
To answer you, "who am I?"
My name is not Tim
Nor David nor Jim
FOR I AM THE LIMERICK GUY!

Solicitors

I answered a call on my phone
But soon could do nothing but grown
For these sorts of callers
Just wanted my dollars
Trying to sell me cologne

For all Tim's Homies

As a favor to my buddy Tim
I'm writing some lim'ricks for him
They're about his blog fans
At least those are the plans
But right now it's still looking grim

I told him I'd do it for ten
Writing 'bout women or men
But hes only got five
And half doesn't jive
So I guess I'll delay them again

Soon all ten will be ready
And the flowing of rhymes will be steady
If they'd only reply
To his posts then I'd try
To get this shit started already

Millions of Peaches

I picked from a tree a nice peach
And took it with me to the beach
I juggled it there
Very high in the air
It’s a trick I’d be happy to teach

Sports & Entertainment

I was hunting one day with my bow
But all I could hit was a crow
I attached some strings
And some buttons and things
As a puppet he makes a good show